Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize