My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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