she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
