Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
