She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
