i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
