i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
