idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i came on her dog
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
