Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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