There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
