This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
