can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
