Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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