fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize