how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
