Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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