alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
