Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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