i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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