Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
