shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
