i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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