ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
