I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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