legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
