He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
