you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
