O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
