His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
