I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
