i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
porn star boner night. come get it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
