i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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