great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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