You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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