oh god the rape fog is back!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
