i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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