Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
