it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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