so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
These tits shall not be calmed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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