After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
