About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
