why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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