I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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