I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
