Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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