I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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