Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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