Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
