i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
