They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
