ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
