Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
