is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
