I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
