So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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