from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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