I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize