Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
two words...techno handjob
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
