I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
