Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
