It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
