Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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