my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
