Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
wow bdsm is so cute
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