Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
