Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
