you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
