It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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