she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
