Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
