Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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