I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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