Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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