he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
