Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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