After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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