Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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