mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
