How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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