I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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