so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
