Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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