Please, let me fuck your mom
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
